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I love Bloglovin’. It’s my go-to place for all things bloggy. Obviously, I follow blogs there. But I also look for inspiration, what do other people like me write about? What do they do to stand out in the blog world? How do they style their blogs? What can I learn from them?
As much as I love it, I have to admit, I do find it a little difficult to find new blogs that I love and can relate to. There are tons of blogs written by women in their 30s.
There are career focused bloggers, who write about entrepreneurship. Mommy bloggers who are all about home and family. Beauty bloggers, fashion bloggers, travel bloggers, and countless other categories and “niche” bloggers, all of whom have a firm grasp on what they are doing, how they are doing it, and telling others how they can do it too.
I can’t relate to any of them.
I’m broke, single without children, never took my looks seriously, have no special career (never went to college, don’t regret it), and don’t travel nearly as much as I’d like to (see: broke). I can read some of these blogs (and I do) and love them (do this too) but I can’t relate to them.
Today I finally found one that I could understand. Another blogger who seems to have the same lost, wandering mind as me. Someone who is figuring it out as they go and, at least in some ways, struggling with it. Finally, someone on my level!
Ironically, when I was 19 I didn’t have this problem. I knew who I was, what I wanted, and how I was going to get it. I had a dream, I had a plan, and I was unstoppable. Until I wasn’t.
I was focused and hardworking, I had an unwavering optimism. Then things went bad. And then they got worse. I couldn’t get back on track, I couldn’t make it work. I tried. Boy, did I try. I tried for 10+ years. And then, I quit. I couldn’t do it anymore, I couldn’t keep failing year after year, try after try. I had to stop, but I had no backup plan.
This brings me to now. I’m 30(ish) I have no hard set goals, no deep desires, no dreams. I go to work, I occasionally take pictures, I Pin all the places I want to go, and adventures I want to have. But mostly, I struggle.
I think of all the things I could have done differently (surprisingly short list), and then I think of all the things I could do differently now. I started this blog, I thought I might find a way to eloquently express the mess that is my life. Maybe I’d find some people who could relate, people who dropped the ball and can’t seem to find it again.
The actual point of this blog was to document my path out of the fog. A way to inspire me and maybe some others along the way. But, as of yet, I haven’t found my blogging path either. I feel awkward trying to tell my story, it’s too depressing.
At this point I’ve adopted the ‘fake it till you make it’ approach (I probably shouldn’t admit that). I honestly have no idea what I’m doing. But I am actively forcing myself to find and try new things so I have something (anything) to put in a post. I suppose this is good for me, and could ultimately get me on track to…somewhere?
In the meantime, I’m still lost, and aimless. And I’m still 30-ish and not nineteen. Am I too old to feel this lost?